ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
There r osticjed everywhere
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
