I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
