my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
