she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
