my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
