drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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