Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
