Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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