I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize