did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
