Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
