whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
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You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
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its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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