I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
