do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
