Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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