nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
