He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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