Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
