woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
