I hope mine doesn't look like that
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Two words: blizzard sex
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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