Barsexuality is the new black.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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