Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
