She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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