Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
