I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
