Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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