How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
being pregnant is like rehab
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
