I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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