what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
