I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
