Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
