Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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