I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
This baby is an asshole
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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