Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
