I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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