I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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