after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
