didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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