I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
