my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
