Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
