Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
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Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
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Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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