Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
