I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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