what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
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I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
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I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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