she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
