Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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