Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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