those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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