Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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