It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize