If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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