I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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