i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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