Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Someone came in the potted fern
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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