I just saw a hot homeless man
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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