I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
