Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
