she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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