Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
