Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
