just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
