at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
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i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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