At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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