omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
