They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
