I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize