I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
