i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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