my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
