i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
