i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
