It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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