I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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