As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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