You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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